Marcus Holmgren

Yesterday our dear neighbor and friend, Marcus Holmgren, left this Earth to be with his Father in Heaven.

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The first day we lived here, Marcus came walking across the front yard in his BYU hat and said "Hello Neighbors!" and introduced himself. In all of my years and many moves, I'd never actually had a friendly neighbor. I was nervous moving into this new area with 7 kids and a husband who commuted every weekend from the midwest and Marcus just put my worries at ease.

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When that first snow came later in the winter, Matt and I were in bed dreading all of the shoveling we had to do. When we dragged ourselves out of bed to deal with it, Marcus had taken his snow blower and had already cleared our walk. After that it became a race to make sure we got up before Marcus did it, we didn't want him out there in the cold just because we were lazy. Mornings in the front yard with Matt and Marcus became something we all expected and that almost made the snowstorms bearable.

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We won't talk about the time Matt hit Marcus's snow blower with his car.

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Last year it was clear that his health was really taking a turn for the worse due to Parkinson's and we made a deal with Marcus, if he'd let us store the snowblower, his walk would always be clear. Sometimes the neighbor across the street beat us to the Holmgren's walk, but it was something the kids helped with and made them feel good. They love the Holmgrens so much. we all love them so much.

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Every July for both the 4th of July and Pioneer Day, Marcus would come outside to the front yard to watch our fireworks and if we weren't doing any, he'd stand and watch whatever the city was sending up into the sky. I had a feeling this last July 24th that it was probably his last time looking at the fireworks, from ths angle at least.

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Saturday while our family was in Orem, Marcus aspirated and wasn't breathing. He was rushed to the hospital. After a few days they ran tests and Brother Holmgren wasn't showing any brain activity so yesterday his dear wife and children made the decision to let him go.

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He was an amazing person. Always, always made me feel like I was doing okay and always made me feel like he loved each person in our family.

I am glad he is no longer in pain, but, oh dear friend, on this night my family weeps for the loss. We will see you again, but until that day, how we will miss you.

MARCUS HOLMGREN
Marcus M. Holmgren 1930 ~ 2009 Marcus Madson Holmgren, beloved husband, father, grandfather and great-grandfather, passed away surrounded by his family on December 28, 2009. Born July 31, 1930 to Homer and Marco Madson Holmgren in Salt Lake City, UT. He graduated from East High School and the University of Utah, and served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Sweden from 1950-52. He gained a great love of Sweden and the Swedish people which lasted throughout his life. He often remarked that not a day passed that he did not think of Sweden. He married his sweetheart, Karin Finlayson May 3, 1956 in the Salt Lake Temple. They are the parents of five children. Marcus and Karin were constant companions and their devotion to one another has been an example to those around them. He loved his family very much and loved being together. He served in the US Air Force for 21 years, retiring in 1977 in San Antonio, TX. Soon after, he was called to serve as Mission President in the Sweden Stockholm Mission from 1978-81. He loved his missionaries with all his heart and his association with them and their families brought him great joy. He later served a mission with Karin in the Sweden Stockholm Temple. He had the opportunity to serve in many church callings throughout his life and loved the gospel. Most recently he worked as a sealer in the Jordan River Temple. He loved the temple and had joy in serving others. He had a strong testimony of the Book of Mormon and Jesus Christ which he loved to share with his family and those around him. He is preceded in death by his parents; son, Erik Marcus Holmgren; brother, Richard Holmgren. Survived by his wife, Karin; daughters, Ann Roberts and Jane (Steve) Brown; sons, John (Leslie) Holmgren and Nels (Emily) Holmgren; 11 grandsons and 11 granddaughters, as well as two great-granddaughters.

Presents, Part 2...

Yesterday I spent a lot of time playing with the Cricut, and learning the software to make all sorts of cool stuff. Now I just need to start the actual projects. To test run vinyl lettering, I made this for the living room wall, it's nothing fancy, but I am so loving this present.

The girls arrived for the second half of Christmas Break and the plan was to wait for Zane to return (which will be in an hour, yay!) but it was decided to just break out the gifts earlier. There were books, make- up, new shirts and lots of Littlest Pet Shop crap.

Flannel AND tuxedo style. Could this shirt BE anymore right this minute trendy?

I know, it's not a vampire book, but a literary diet that consists of all Bella Swan just isn't healthy. Don't worry, she got a shirt that was exactly the one Jasper wore while playing baseball in the first movie, so Emma was not forced to endure a Twilight free Christmas at our house.

I shudder to know that I knew to buy that shirt, BTW. Bleah.

Between the dozens of Littlest Pet Shop animals and all those freaking Webkinz, our house is turning into some sort of cutesy miniature animal planet.

Thanks, Santa!

Santa brought me a Cricut personal cutter this year and I didn't start playing with it until yesterday.

How did I ever live without this product?

I never considered buying one because they cost a fortune, but this year so many places had great deals for Black Friday that I decided to just consider it. I asked my friends what they thought and expressed my big concern-cartridges. For every type of font one wants to use, a different cartridge is needed and they aren't cheap, they run from 40-85 dollars per font. Ouch.

I ran into this problem when I bought my QuikKut machine, the amount of money one had to spend just to get a different font was staggering and you can only use the same font so many times before you get sick of it.

My friends told me about this program you can buy for 80 bucks called Sure Cuts A Lot that allows you to import any of your true type fonts and cut them with your Cricut. As we looked into the software it also could be used to import pretty much any shape and cut that as well. That means no more buying die cuts or letters ever again- I can adjust the size of everything and it would take about 5 minutes.

The other appeal of the Cricut was that I can also do vinyl wall lettering for a fraction of the cost from places like uppercase living and I can choose my own phrases, fonts, and sizes. I have read that one can also cut fabric with it, for quilting, but I don't see myself doing that.

One of the things I love to design are silhouettes and I decided to see how the cricut did with that. We only had white paper handy, it will look better in black, but check out my awesome ipod silhouette I made of Romy. Start to finish I spent about a half hour doing the whole thing, I could have added more detail, but this was just a test to see how it worked. I love it. I can turn this same design into a wall cling for Romy or even a series of stickers for the car.

Thank you SantaMatt for this totally fun toy. I LOVE it and I love you, Sweetie. You're so good to me and in spite of the challenges we have- I love being married to you, I love our life together.

Cute Olson (and Larsen) Babies

Yesterday we headed down to American Fork for Lilly's baby blessing. Paige's brother was in town and was leaving today, so yesterday was the only day they could do it and have people from Paige's family be part of it, so they arranged to just have a family baby blessing, instead of one in front of their entire congregation.
Brian gave a little talk and the Grandpas and Uncles all went to help give sweet red-haired Lilly a name and a blessing. It was really nice and she's just the cutest baby ever.


Rocco and Abbie were also being cutest babies ever. Rocco was laughing at Romy and knew how to tear into his Christmas presents we brought him.

Abbie was really tired so, she let her Auntie Chris take her and fell asleep in my arms. She even let Matt hold her, which she never does. Those baby rufees that we slipped in her sippy cup worked pretty well. :P She awoke happy and ready to play with cousins. It was really nice to be able to hold her so long, I refused to give her up until family pictures.
I love being an Aunt, I really do. You get to be the one who brings presents and who never has to tell the kids "no" for anything. When they act up, you get to just feel like a superior parent because you know YOUR children never act that way. (Not that Abbie and Rocco ever act up, except for that time Rocco used his ninja powers to beat Dad Olson's face in a few weeks ago, but Dad should know not to cross that boy. He'll cut you, Man.)
I half suspect Abbie snuggled up because she thought I was Elmo in my ginormous fuzzy red sweater, but I'll take what I can get. I just love her.


We came home and busted out the board games. We played Jenga and Sorry. Holy crap, what a horrible game "Sorry" is. Why did I buy that? It was painful to play.

We had a good Christmas, half of the kids were here, the other half start coming home this week. We're all counting down the minutes until Zane returns to take care of his freaking dog again. She's cute, but we're sick of her.

The big gifts this year were a luggage trailer for Matt's Jeep & Jazz tickets, a cricut machine for me, Parker got an ipod dock that doubles as a guitar amp, Grey got the new Zelda game and Roe got a ZhuZhu pet and accessories, but her favorite present was play dough.

Just in case you missed it...

Two years ago we did a holiday card with a Brady bunch theme. That was the year we dubbed our blended brood "The Olson Bunch." This year, we brought back the theme, but with a twist.


Although I finished them up early, they were mailed late, so here is our Christmas card....

If you didn't get one, you either didn't send us one or we don't have your current address and I'm not the Sherlock Holmes of Christmas.

Our card list this year was staggering. I hereby vow next year to cut that number in half.

My last few posts have been rather crabby sounding, what with my very inspiring "Happy Holidays my Grandma is leaving her old man" and "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry...." posts. I'm not the Grinch, I just play one on my blog.

Matt and I talked and agreed it's been a weird holiday. So, I guess our Christmas card was appropriate, although the boys would say that making them wear lipstick, even black lipstick, is NEVER appropriate.

Scrooges.

Love to all & Happy Christmas,

-Chris, Matt & the Squids--The Olson Bunch

You'd Better Not Pout

Or else you'll wake up to find a lump of coal in your stocking, or worse yet a blender!!!! (Sorry, inside joke.)

Yesterday I rested all afternoon so I'd have the energy to go to Orem to see my Grandma one last time before she left to go back to Corpus Cristi to get away from this cold weather and away from her husband who never quite grasped the concept of "love one another" when it comes to a spouse. As he tried not to dishonor the memory of his deceased wife, he didn't quite realize that treating my sweet grandma like dog food wasn't doing anyone any good and wasn't exactly going to make his other wife beam with pride.

So, she's headed back to Texas after 4 years of being here in Utah. I don't know that Texas is any better for a Democrat, but I know it will be good for her to be closer to family, out of this cold and in the town she has lived in forever. I'll miss her terribly but it's been hard for me to get down to see her, so I know she's be less lonely in Corpus.

Anyway- I hope everyone has a great holiday and are surrounded by those they love and happiness. I love love love my family and don't know what I'd do without this weird bunch of misfit toys.

Merry Christmas to everyone and if you didn't get a lump of coal this year and you know you deserved one...consider yourself lucky!

Thank You for my Babies

I don't have a picture handy for this, don't think I want to. This time of year is a happy one, but also brings some bittersweet memories of a good man and friend who died on Christmas Eve in 2001.

His name was Mark Gordon and while traveling with his wife and son, he had his son take a turn at the wheel and they got in a wreck, killing both Mark and his boy. His wife survived the accident. It was one of the most defining, devastating losses of my adult life.

Mark was my doctor, he delivered my youngest children, but more than that Mark was my friend. I've mentioned before my trust issues, I think everyone has some degree of trust issues, I think mine are off the charts. Mark was a person who had my complete trust. My pregnancies were not easy ones and my deliveries were always difficult, I had 4 c sections and the doctors had with Parker and Zane were cold and made decisions based on what they wanted, I wasn't a real person to them. With Mark and his staff, I was. He knew me, he knew my children and he never dismissed even silly concerns. I knew he was safe to put my life and the life of my babies in his hands, always.

He would bust up laughing at my jokes and later would repeat them to other patients. I love it when people laugh at my jokes, I especially love it when one of my weird ideas gets passed on.

I had a friend who was pregnant with her 7th child, her current doctor said that if she didn't tie her tubes after that one, he wouldn't deliver it, as she'd had 6 c sections, this would be her 7th. She was distraught. I called up Mark and even though he wasn't taking new patients, he took Christy on and said "you can have as many babies as you want. It's your decision, not a doctor's. If you want to have 10 more kids, I'll help you deliver them." She went on to have an 8th baby, with Mark as her doctor.

When he died, I was hit with the reality that he was the only man on the planet I actually trusted at all. It was a hard thing for me to realize, not only did I have such massive baggage that the only person I trusted was my doctor, but that I was surrounded by some of the most selfish and worthless men on the planet. I realized that was a pretty bad state to be in and I needed to raise the bar for people I allowed in my life and allowed to serve as role models for my sons. Both Mark's life and his passing made me stronger, both inspired me to reach for something higher.

When I hear the phrase "a point of light" Mark always comes to my mind first. He was one of the good ones, he was absolutely a point of light.

I miss him.

When he died, the movie version of The Phantom of the Opera had just come out and this song struck a note with me and reminds me of that time, when the world lost such a wonderful and amazing man and his son.

I think of you and your family every holiday, Mark.
I will see you again one day, my friend.

Wishing you were
somehow here again
wishing you were
somehow near
Sometimes it seemed
if I just dreamed,
somehow you would
be here

Wishing I could
hear your voice again
knowing that I
never would
Dreaming of you
won't help me to do
all that you dreamed
I could

Passing bells
and sculpted angels,
cold and monumental,
seem, for you,
the wrong companions -
you were warm and gentle

Too many years
fighting back tears
Why can't the past
just die?

Wishing you were
somehow here again
knowing we must
say goodbye
Try to forgive
teach me to live
give me the strength
to try

No more memories,
no more silent tears
No more gazing across
the wasted years
Help me say
goodbye.

Cookies

Christmas Break started for Grey and Romy, it starts for the older boys on Wednesday. We spent the afternoon making sugar cookies. Grey was into it for about 10 minutes and then quit because "I'm not a cookie chef, just call me when I can eat them." I had them do one batch of shaped cookies and then we decided to make cookies with peppermint Hersey's Kisses on them. It was a cute idea, but the final outcome was a little disturbing.

We pulled these out of the oven and without a word, even Romy started laughing. I knew why, but played dumb as long as I possibly could. Check out the finished cookies....

Every time my kids pick up one of these to eat they all start giggling.

Here I am just trying to provide these poor festivity starved children with a little Christmas Spirit and they tell me I made boob cookies.

Sweet Stuff

Boy, I'm really going through a dry spell with the titles lately.

Lori has posted the latest on her blog regarding what is going on with her daughter in Haiti. Still no good news, but every one has good reason to hope that Jess will be returning to the orphanage soon and things will be back on track for the adoption. And by back on track, it's more "hurry up and wait" for Brent and Lori. The link to her blog is in my previous post. Keep praying for them, friends and sending positive vibes to Haiti.
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This year we have been blessed to have so many good friends drop off lots of sweets to the house, so I haven't felt so bad about not doing all of the holiday baking I normally do. When Parker and Zane were little, they'd watch me make candy and would always want to help and taste things. Making candy takes a lot of attention and it's too hot for kids to help with, so i added to the list of candy we made every year when I was a kid chocolate dipped pretzels. I'd set up the table with melted chocolate, sprinkles and waxed paper and the kids would make a huge mess, but they'd eat and feel like they were helping. They knew they could always eat what they made and it helped the good stuff last a little longer.
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This year I just didn't have the energy until last night and Zane Grey and Romy all were glad to participate in the yearly event. While they made the traditional horrific mess, I made chocolate dipped Oreos for Matt's work. It's a good thing I bagged them all up before bed because all of the leftovers were gone by the time I got out of bed this morning. Those folks at the Temple of Oreo know what they're doing.



Romy had her piano recital today at the Golden Living center. It's really nice having a rest home in our ward boundaries, it gives the youth an easy place to do service projects at our family enjoys visiting as well. Romy was so cute in her new Christmas dress saying "hi" to all of the Grandmas and Grandpas.
I was glad it was somewhere close because I still get so tired when I leave the house, even for a short while. I was surprised so many people came, since it was just a small event, but we were glad that everyone came out and listened to her play her two songs I have had to hear her play over and over again until I want to stab my ears. Don't get me wrong, she did a great job, no mistakes, but I can only hear "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" so many times before I my brain shuts down.
She did a great job and I'm really proud of her, Sister Moore is a great teacher and we appreciate her patience and we love hearing her play. She finished the concert by playing "Carol of the Bells" and it was beautiful. I'm always moved when I hear her play.

Afterwards, everyone came over for a quick lunch and we finished off the day resting and pigging out on Holiday Sweets. It was good to see everyone, thanks for coming up. Sorry there weren't any Oreos when you got here, but everyone knows Oreos are a breakfast food.

Baby Girls and More of My Endless Whining

Photo by Brian Olson:

Today, our niece, Lilly was born to her happy parents, Brian and Paige. She's happy and healthy (So is Mommy) and has curly red hair. We can't wait to meet her, and as soon as I'm feeling up to it, we'll be down to see her.

I once had a friend who said the way you could spot a Mormon family was that there were always a bunch of kids and one of them was always a redhead. I would imagine that runs true in any large family group, but Lilly is the lucky one in the Olson family. I think she's just beautiful and I can't wait to see her.

This week brought on some difficult news regarding one of our other nieces, Jessica. The story of Lori and Brent's challenges as they work towards adopting their children in Haiti can be read about in their blog, http://www.countdowntohomecoming.blogspot.com/ . It is astounding the amount of time and frustration involved in this process and how governments can justify letting children suffer while burying those who would be wonderful parents in paperwork and bureaucratic stupidity. It's hard for us to watch them grow through pictures, I can only imagine how hard it is for Lori and Brent.

It's not my news to share, but I will say that they desperately need prayers and miracles right now.

Please pray for Lori and Brent and especially for Jessica.

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In other news, I've had a little scare. I developed a clot in my arm that hurts like hell and is a frustrating setback for me, as it means I have something fundamentally wrong with the clotting mechanisms in my body. This year has been really hard on me medically, I've never had so many health issues in my life. I just sat down and bawled when I realized I had another giant clot. This recovery is going slow and I'm going bonkers with how quickly I get worn out.

I give up.

If you need me I'll be in bed watching Top Chef re-runs.

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Brian & Page- congrats to you both and she's completely beautiful.

Lori & Brent- we're praying for you and for Jessica. Hang in there.

On My Own

It's been 2 full weeks since my surgery. I'm drug free and able to move around the house now. I've done a few light errands out of the house and found myself exhausted really quickly. We tried Walmart this weekend and after about 15 minutes I had to sit down on a bench while Matt finished up. It's a good thing I did all of the holiday shopping early, there is no way I could have pulled it off.

I'm not really in pain anymore, but I am exhausted all of the time. It's really hard to be stuck in the house so much, but Matt's been good to keep my spirits up and take care of me. He really is my best friend and I love how he loves me. In spite of my living in pajamas with my hair in a scrunchie and no make up for two weeks, he still makes me feel like I am beautiful. He's been a lifesaver, driving the kids to school and back every day and has been so patient and loving.

Today though, I am on my own. Matt's going to be at work all day every day and my goals for the week are to simply get the kids to and from school and to make it to my doctor's appointment tomorrow by myself. I am surprised at how slow the healing process is with this. It's good to take a break and have a slower pace, but let's be honest, my normal pace isn't exactly a sprint anyway.

So....we'll see how it goes. Back to life...kind of.

Boring Stuff

Nothing new or exciting here......

Our local scrapbook store had these great wooden letters in a different font than I had seen before and when I was doing my whirlwind holiday shopping in November, I picked these up and decorated them that same weekend. They're gifts for Parker and Zane's stepsisters in Arizona. I used basic grey papers I've been holding on to forever and a ton of modge podge.
I'm still not up to doing much at all, so we skipped the ward party and settled in with the new Harry Potter DVD, pizza, and Cokes from Mexico that Matt picked up. Supposedly they taste way better than regular Coke because they use real sugar, but nobody could taste the difference.

Yesterday the kids all enjoyed playing in back yard. As much as I hate the stuff, I'll take it over those Arizona summers. Even with all of this cold weather you can grab a sweater and some hot chocolate. You can only take off so many layers of clothes in Arizona before you run out of options.

I'm still taking it pretty slow and that means I've had to decline on pretty much every December party and event but I'm able to get around the house better and I'm off the heavy pain meds. I'm still not up to much, I'll have to miss church again tomorrow but Monday I plan to at least get back to taking the kids to and from school, but I'm not going to run any errands or do much else.

digital

Blue Blood

Everyone knows Matt and I are BYU fans. We're not crazy rabid fans by any stretch of the imagination, but Matt went to school there and the kids who don't think they're going to be famous in their angry teenage garage band- want to go to the Y. We have closets stocked with BYU hoodies, hats and T-shirts. The linen closet contains multiple BYU blankets. Whatever blood we have- runs blue.

I joke a lot with my U of U loving friends, leaving us the target of neighborhood red toilet papering vandalism, lol, and I don't really think we're in the majority here in the ward. A few other clues are some of the "get well soon" gifts my friends have sent over that make me laugh.
The flowers came with a "GO UTES!" note, and today Sher dropped off these ghastly things:

I won't wear them.
I'll die before I wear them.
It offends my soul to wear them.

Okay, I already wore them. Maybe I'll sew some blue flowers on them and dye them blue.
Oh, who am I kidding?

I lost my slippers a month ago and the price of my soul was two chocolate bars and warm feet.

Zane

Happy 14th Birthday, Zane!!

I knew his birthday would be kind of lame this year because of my surgery, so that's why we bribed him, I mean, celebrated in an extra big way by letting him get Rosie, the cute little dog who TWICE today left presents under the tree.

So- this is to let you know a little more about Zane, the child who use to be anemic and I called "Little Bird" who is now 6ft 2 and wears size 13 shoes.

Zane was a handful, when he was almost a year old and Parker was home from the hospital from the fire, I was about to give Parker his pain medicine and I heard a crash. Zane had climbed up a shelving unit and had tipped over a gallon of paint and was drinking the paint as though it were honey. I freaked and scooped it out of his mouth and put him in the playpen while I called poison control. As I was calling, in a split second Zane had grabbed and chugged the entire bottle of Tylenol3 I was giving Parker.

I hung up the phone and took him to the ER.

They decided he needed to drink some liquid charcoal and were getting ready to start pumping it directly into his stomach. I told the doctor to put it in a bottle with a little Pepsi in it. The nurse was very snotty and said to me "Kids won't just drink anything."
They put in a few ounces of Pepsi and the rest with the nasty black liquid charcoal. Zane drank it right up and as when he was done he held the bottle up for more and said "Ah.....Likey!"
The nurse apologized and said "I'm sorry. Your kid WILL drink anything. I've never seen that before in my life" as Zane finished of the remaining Pepsi.

When Zane was 10 he got appendicitis. He went to school that day and skipped breakfast saying his tummy felt weird, but it was the last day of school before Xmas break and he didn't want to miss the party.
When he got home, he was tired and rested on the sofa, within a few hours he was as white as a sheet and the Holy Ghost told me to get him to the emergency room immediately. On the way there he passed out and was quickly diagnosed with appendicitis and was rushed in for immediate surgery. He spent the whole holiday recovering from surgery and now sports a 6 inch scar across his tummy.

Zane's wicked humor is still something that makes us all laugh. Recently Parker saw a car all decorated for some one's birthday at school and he said "Ugh- that's so lame, NEVER do that to me on my birthday!" Zane, in the back seat, quietly said "note to self: do that for Parker's birthday." Parker does not think Zane is as funny as the rest of us do. The fact that Parker doesn't find Zane as funny, just encourages Zane to torment his older brother more.

Zane is my kid that has those giant Savoy genes that make his classmates thankful he's so good natured, because if he were a bully, he'd be rolling in lunch money. Zane's a kid who protects others from bullies and never hesitates to be the first to stand up for what is right. He's never been one to even be slightly swayed by peer pressure. Zane is a leader, Zane is loyal and Zane is good to the core.

He's a great kid and even though he's not a scrawny little bird anymore, he's still my Birdie and I'm proud of the young man he has become. I love you Zane.

Stolen from Sarah's Blog

Every morning I have my routine, I get Grey and Roe off to school, come home, feed the pets, flip on Dr. Oz and read my ever growing bloglist. I'm lousy at leaving comments, but I do read all your blogs either directly or through googlereader.
These days I'm skipping the taking kids to school part, and instead helping make sue they're dressed and ready to go, thanking my sweet husband for doing the driving and climbing back to bed with the puppy.
- Let's talk about the puppy for a second. She CANNOT be alone. When she is alone she barks. I can ignore some degree of puppy barking, but when Rosie barks it sounds like someone is strangling a seagull. It's horrible. I am sure my neighbors think we are murdering her when we dare leave her outside to do her business alone. She's cute and I love her, but anyone who knows me knows how much I hate noise. I love you, Rosie, but shut the h*ll up.

And I'm kicking you out of my bed next week. Your brefth smells like barth.

Anyway- one of the blogs I read is my friend Sarah's. She lives just a stone's throw from me but our kids aren't really the same ages and I never leave my house because I'm a crazy hermit who sits in her cave and crochets all days. And by crochet, I mean eat, but you knew what I meant.





I've actually gotten to know her much better because, much to her husband's chagrin (wow, I actually went there- I went with chagrin) she blogs and facebooks. I'm telling you, facebook isn't just a way to stalk your ex boyfriends and remember who your cousins are. Facebook helps you get to know people that you should have known all along. I love Sarah, she's one of my favorites. :)

So, I stole this from her blog.

Sorry, but Dr. Oz isn't on yet.


1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Dear Lord, you look like crap. Turn the light off quickly and pretend you didn't see how bad you look today.
2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now? None. I never carry cash. My kids don't steal from me because there is nothing to steal.
3. What is a word that rhymes with DOOR? Sore. And I really am this morning. Ow.
4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? I don't know, looks ike someone from the ward. I'm not really answering my phone this week. Okay, I don't really answer it any week. My phone is something I use to be able to contact my family anytime, and pretty much everyone else gets voicemail. Sorry. It's not you, it's me. That reminds me i need to give my Dad a call.
5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? Every time I download cool ringtones, I lose my phone, I'm jinxed. I've only downloaded 2 ringtones on this phone and I've had it for 2 years. I don't think that's a co-incedence. I think fate doesn't like me to get all arrogant with my many rich-lady ringtones. So my default is Lily Allen's Smile because I'm snarky like that. Matt's ringtone is-of course-the James Bond theme.
6. What are you wearing right now?Same pajamas I have been wearing all weekend. Men's PJ bottoms and one of Matt's footbal shirts.
7. Do you label yourself? Yeah, I would imagine that everyone does. I have some issues. Thankfully I live in a world where chocolate exists and I can push those issues down with binge eating and candy. :P
8. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing. Well, I'm barefoot right now, but I currently and always wear Converse sneakers.
9. Bright or dark room. Medium.
10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? She's cute as can be and never looks like she just rolled out of bed. Her kids are funny and her husband is happy. I think she's a great mom and a great wife. I know she works very hard and I hope she knows that others see how much she works, how much she gives and that she is such a good, good woman.
11. What does your watch look like? I lose watches. I feel bad about that, Matt bought me a really nice Fossil watch last year to match his and after about a month- I lost it. By the time I found it i was so afraid of losing it again that I just put it in my jewelery box along with all the other stuff I never wear for fear of losing it.
12. What were you doing at midnight last night? Trying to fall asleep without being doped up. Last night was rough for me.
13. What did your last text message you receievd on your cell say? "I'm on my way" from Parker
14. What's a word that you say a lot? I don't know, I talk a lot. I have a few go-to phrases I use frequently like "Are you new?" and "what the french toast?"
15. Who told you he/she loved you last? (excluding spouse, family or children) Weebis, maybe Pam. I have lots of family and a hubby who says it a lot.
16. Last furry thing you touched. My blanket. What did we ever do before fleece?
17. Favorite age you have been so far? There are so many ages, it's hard to pick just one. I could say 33, the age I met Matt, I could say 17 the final year befoe life began to have a cost, I could say this year because...oh who am I kidding, this year has been crap. I'll go with 17.
18. What was the last thing you said to someone? "I love you too, Schmoop. Be safe"
19. The last song you listened to? Girl, If you're wondering if I want you to -by Weezer
20. Where did you live in 1987? I was 14...Meridian Idaho- I was going throught some rough stuff.
21. Are you jealous of anyone? Nah, I can get a little envy here and there over traits and skills I don't have but I know that nobody has the perfect life and I choose my own life, gravity ridden body and all.
22. Is anyone jealous of you? I think I can say with complete confidence that nobody is jealous of me.
23. Name 3 things that you have on you at ALL times. my cell phone I never answer, a paperback novel, band-aids.
24. What's your favorite town/ city? Chicago. It's the city my husband and I became "us" and it's just a cool place to be.
25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? I don't remember, it's been a really long time.
26. Can you change the oil on a car? No. I always lived by the addage "Never get good at somethng you don't want to do" as long as I have a cell phone and a husband, I never need to learn this skill and I have no desire to.
27. Your first love/big crush- what was the last thing you heard about him/her? I guess I'll assign this title to Evan- I believe he's happily married with kids living in the same area he grew up in and he's an accountant now. He needs to find his way to facebook, the rest of the gang is all there.
28. Does anything hurt on your body right now? Well yeah.
29. What is your current desktop picture? It's one of the Dell default pictures. I am also cursed with desktops. When I upload a good picture, my computer crashes. I'm not making this up. Fate also wants me to keep my laptop neutral and boring. My cell phone and my laptop made a pact. They hate me and I hate them right back.
30. Have you been hurt by love? Yep.
31. What time were you born, and how much did you weigh? I have no idea. I don't remember because I was only like 3 seconds old. :P
32. Where were you when 9/11 happened? Leaving to take Romy to get her first immunizations after she was born. I didn't take her back for more until she was five, maybe that's the reason why, or maybe I just got busy.

Nie

Today is the first in a series of articles the Arizona Republic is running on Stephanie Nielson.
Grab a tissue beforehand.

Hang in there, Nie.

http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/stephanie-nielson-chapter1-120609.html

Bored

I'm downgrading my medicine, I think I have the pain under control pretty well and so I'm doing what I can to get by on just ibuprofen and Tylenol. The side effects from pain medicine drive me nuts and so I'm still taking it super easy, but working on less medication.

I'm bored out of my skull in bed, I'm too tired to really do anything and as soon as I start reading I fall asleep. I bought some DVDs of an HBO series about some books I recently read and that just didn't work out. HBO is comfortable with a lot more nudity and sex than my brain was while reading the books. I'm not some prude, but I don't need to watch other people going at it, period. So- my plan for TV time was adjusted and now I've seen so many shows about people decorating cakes, that I've pretty much decided that somewhere along the line Betty Crocker sold her soul to Satan to be getting this much exposure these days. Who knew that at any given time of the day not only can you watch an episode of Law and Order, but also a program with someone complaining about cracks in the fondant as if it were actually interesting. It makes me miss Jon & Kate+8.

(Okay not really, but enough with the cake shows.)

Thoughts On My Weaknesses

(Book of Mormon)Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

I've been thinking a lot about this scripture this week, in my non-percocet moments. The stake president met with us last Sunday ad we discussed some of the trials we were trying to navigate our way through. I had full on hysterical PMDD when we went in, so everything that was said traveled through my hormone filter.

He mentioned this scripture and I felt the weight of the world crash down on my shoulders. I said to him 'How am I supposed to fix everything? I have done everything I know to do and nothing even helps, let alone works. Whatever the lesson I am supposed to be learning through this- it's not getting through. I can't do everything."

The stake president seemed a little taken aback, as my response pretty much had nothing to do with what he was saying and I was having my own thing going on, something brought on by my hormones, by my anxiety for the upcoming surgery, by my exhaustion from trying to get everything in order, and by my frustration and concern knowing that no matter what, there is a person who has dedicated her life to causing us harm and she would jump on my being hospitalized and try to use that to her advantage to attack us. (And sure enough, she did.)

Stake president asked me to ponder that scriputre futher and to get some rest,Lol.

This all happened on that terrible no good day when my ring was not budging and my hands were blowing up like Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade floats. Matt reminded me of the specific words that were said and helped me see that what I was experiencing wasn't quite matching up with what actually happened. (I am so not going to miss having PMDD, it's really been difficult.)I still was a wreck, but logic won out and I realized I was not being asked to fix everything, I was in fact being reminded that my focus needed to be on myself and not to lose sight of that.

It's hard to do when the adversary becomes not just a trial in your life but a physical force that you recognise and see for what it is. It's not just a subtle feeling, but you realize it's headed your way like a great Tsunami on the shore. You focus on saving your family and getting through it and spend a lot of time rebuilding after it's done it's damage. It's not just an idea or a theory, it's real. There are evil things in this world, there are evil people. I don't claim to know who is evil and who is not, but I do know when evil has been done to my home and to my family and I don't kid myself that it's just bad luck or something minor. I believe Satan would have all families destroyed and my family isn't one he passes by and thinks "they'll screw this up enough on their own, I can lay off of them." I guess that's a good thing, but it pretty much sucks.

So I revisit my original thought about weaknesses and what the lord is trying to show me. I certainly have so many weaknesses, but what weaknesses have been shown to me through this season- weaknesses that have now been made strong?

The answer came to me gently, like the warming rays of light peeking out as the sun rises. First just a little less darkenss, then things become clearer in the light and then you feel that warmth on you shoulders and you know you are getting a message from your Heavenly Father. The answer was trust.

Trust is a huge massive weakness for me. I do not trust people, at all, whatsoever. When I married Matt he knew this and said that in time, he believed I wold come to trust him and he knew that I trusted him as completely as I could trust anyone or anything. It was pathetic and messed up, but he was right.I trusted him more than I trusted anyone or anything, and it's kind of sad how small of an offering that was. I didn't trust but I liked the idea of possible wanting to trust.

I had good reasons not to trust. I grew up in a violent home, was forced to rely on and support people who took my trust and used it and harmed me. I had too many adults lean on me to solve adult problems and then get angry at me when I couldn't solve them. I had some church leaders who had their own agendas and who led me down paths that served their purposes and didn't help me at all. I grew up and married men who were completely untrustworthy, but at that point, it didn't matter, I didn't trust anyone anymore by the time I reached 20 years old. I had a relationship that was my end -all be all regarding trust and when that boy hurt me, I put away any thoughts I had at people being trustworthy. It was a stupid thing to trust others. I didn't particularly trust God, either. There was no circle of trust with me, there was me- and then there was everyone else. There were people who I let get closer to me than others, but I would not call that closeness "trust."

Ah, issues.

As I've recuperated here at home, I have thought about this issue and realized, I have changed. I'm not perfect and don't have it all figured out, but when I went to the hospital and they had me sign all of those papers so that if they accidentally missed my uterus and instead cut the blood supply to my brain off that Matt would be 100% responsible for me, I realized that I knew I'd be safe with him. I knew that if something happened to me that he'd keep his word and he'd stay the course so that we can be together forever. I knew he'd make medical decisions that had my best interest at heart. As I recovered at home and was visited by friends from church I realized, I trusted these people. I've never been one with a high social need, friends were fine and dandy but not people I trusted, I wasn't going to make that big of an investment and I didn't want anyone to invest heavily in me. I didn't trust myself either. As the meals and the flowers and the simple calls to say "I'm thinking about you" came in I felt loved. I realized I knew these people loved me. I trusted them. I have begun to let people in. After years of being holed up in the cave of my issues and fear, I have opened that door and people are a part of my life again. And I trust these people and I trust myself with them. It doesn't have to be heavy or perfect, I can just be myself and I can have good days and bad days and people will still love me and I will love them right back. I'm not completely broken, after all!

What was weak was shown to me and it is being made strong.

And our life still has insane things. The adversary still has us on his route. We still make mistakes and we still have weaknesses, too many to number. But this is one that I can see is being made strong. It's so neat that I can hardly describe it, hence the marathon blog post. In spite of the trials and hardships, in spite of the fact that the world never changed, in spite of the road getting longer and more jagged, the Lord is doing that which he promised he'd do. Regardless of all of the chaos and other stuff, people's weaknesses are being shown to them, and they are being shows so that the Lord can make them strengths. It is getting better.

--

On another note, I am feeling better each day, I'm going to be down for awhile, but the pain is decreasing and my ability to go longer periods of time without pain medicine is increasing. The head cold was a crappy twist, but it's not the end of the world.

Another mostly Wordless Wednesday

Rosie the puppy just keeps getting cuter and cuter. She's figured out how to climb up the stairs, but not how to climb down. She and the cat have started to play chase with each other and they're loud, but cute. Cute cute cute.

We put up Christmas decorations on Sunday, my tree is full of ornaments that I have collected since Parker was a baby, none of them are very fancy but each one brings a memory and a smile. Maybe when I'm feeling better I'll get pictures of the ornaments and document the stories behind them.

I've had this Nativity since Parker was little, it's cheap but the figurines are all glued in so my kid's sticky fingers couldn't break them. It's been 16 years and aside from the Spanish moss being ripped off the roof, it's held up just great.

I'm feeling a littler better today than I have the past few days, mostly thanks to these:

I still am not supposed to drive for another week and I'm super tired, but I believe the worst is behind me.

My husband has been a saint, taking care of me, helping me and giving me back and foot rubs all day long. He's such a wonderful husband, such a great guy, I love you, Schmoop.

Reminders...

I'm typing this from the hospital, I'm probably not going to make any sense, but if I blog about it now, it means I won't have to later when I will try and make this whole ordeal seem more interesting than it actually really was to anyone but myself.

Yesterday I had my hysetrectomy, although my internal clock is a mess and my brain thinks it happened this morning.

Remind me to tell you about the purple gown I had. It was straight out of Star Trek, only nerdier.

Remind me to tell you about the OR nurse. She was straight out of the booby hatch, only nuttier.

Remind me to tell you how poorly I do under general anesthesia and while I don't crash or anything, I go absolutely nuts until all of that medicine leaves my body.

Remind me to tell you how thankful I am that I have a home and a soft bed waiting for me as soon as they chek me out of here.

Remind me that I won't be in pain forever and this will pass.

Remind me that hospital food is infused with evil and never to eat it again.

***UPDATE***
I wrote that yesterday, I'm going home today.

Remind me that hospitals are germy, rotten places and that they can give you a nasty head cold from just sitting here drinking cranberry juice in your room.

Bleah.

Waaaa.......

Let my whining begin........

Tomorrow I am having my surgery, I am a bundle of nerves.

It's been an immensely rough day complete with reminders of some hardships in my life that I would just as soon leave behind. One of those things was my cycle returning one last time to help me spend the day feeling extra sensitive, doubled over in pain and a mess. My hair is falling out, as some moths it does and everything is making me cry. I'm retaining water and my hands were so swollen I couldn't get my wedding ring off. In my attempt to force it off, I made my finger swell up even more and Matt and I had to discuss the reality that the ring might actually have to be cut off. My beautiful 3 carat sparkly from my wonderful husband was not budging.

So, I bawled.

Then I tried lathering up with soap and forcing it off.

It didn't budge and my finger turned redder and more swollen.

I bawled even more.

We read online about a trick where you bind your finger with dental floss and as you pull the end of the floss, it forced the ring up your finger, along the area you have bound.

It made my finger turn purple and hurt like the dickens and the ring, didn't budge.

More bawling

I soaked my hand in ice cold water, elevated it and even took an antihisthimine to reduce the swelling.

Nothing. More bawling.

I gave it one more try, I smothered my finger in dish soap and began to pray as the ring sat there on my fat red finger. I tugged and pulled and kept praying and finally, the ring came off.

Matt came in and hugged me and I just lost it.

Stupid, rotten, terrible day.

My finger hurts and is still swollen and red, but it does not have my ring on it. Thanks, Heavenly Father and the makers of Dawn dish detergent.

Whine over.

The Beautiful People

We live in a house is beautiful people. Beautiful, beautiful people who always take great pictures for the camera....

Lookin' good, Zane....

Emma, always ready for her close-up, Mr. Deville.....

I don't know where they get it.....

But they all have been blessed with the gift of the beautiful people syndrome. Beautiful people who make beautiful faces...

Who always pose with grace and style.....

And who never ever look awkward or weird...

Except for this one. I'm not even going to make fun of his smile because I'm too distracted by this growth on his face. What is it? When Grey gets chapped lips, he licks his lips- A LOT. Then he lips the skin around his lips-- A LOT. Then he gets a chapped face that he licks- A LOT. I swear the kid was spawned from Gene Simmons, I have no idea how the heck he manages to lick do far down his chin but all winter long I fight with this kid and tell him 100 times a day "STOP LICKING YOUR FACE!!!"

And he never does and so no matter how he smiles, every picture looks like the Joker does his make-up.

Honestly, I have a great family, who, for the most part is pretty photogenic, but every so often I look through my pictures and shake my head and wonder what mental institution we all somehow escaped from.

Vandals!!!

This morning, Matt and I are snuggling in bed, enjoying a quiet Saturday morning when Parker comes to our door.

"Um, did you see the front yard?"

Matt "I re-seeded the lawn, that's why the lawn looks funny."

Parker "Um....I think you need to see the yard. It's....red."

Matt and I looked at each other and said "Sam and Jason!!!!" and grabbed out shoes and sure enough, our front yard was covered with red U of U banners, the tree had crepe paper in it and the cars had been VANDALIZED with "GO UTES!" and other words of blasphemy.

But we laughed and laughed. You guys got us. This battle is yours, but mark my words, we BYU fans will win the day yet.

Until then......